Tag: Process

I Don’t Work for Him Anymore

Lexi

“Hello, I’d like to speak to [old boss name redacted]”

“Um, he’s not available right now. What is it regarding?”

Truth is, I don’t know if he’s available right now. I haven’t worked for him in a year.

The story goes that I quit because I found a new job. The real story is that during COVID, I had been trying to keep the company boat from sinking, even though, he the captain, was doing nothing to steer the ship. I was leaving because the boat had finally sank, despite my efforts. I was the last person that knew where the holes were, because no one else had cared enough to plug them.

The truth is, my boss had been absent from the business so long, I’m not sure he could have saved it. Or cared to.

When I left, I promised I would help as much as I can anyways. So, I continued answering the debt collectors calls and making excuses, and make the proper people aware that they had called. I still monitored my old email to make sure that he didn’t miss important emails from the expeditor we had hired to take care of a case. He should have taken care of it a year ago. Pre pandemic. When things were taken care of more easily. Seems like another lifetime.

There was one thing I knew for sure. If I stopped monitoring the calls, the emails, the messages, no one else would be monitoring the calls, the emails, the messages. Nothing would be monitored, taken care of, or done.

But… you don’t work for him anymore, why do you bother? Why do you care?

I’m not sure. Maybe I feel semi responsible still, these are all projects that I worked on, that I wanted to see to the end. Maybe, part of me still wants to save him from himself. Or save the people around him from his own “ostrich in the sand” syndrome.

“Well, he must have been really good to you and appreciated you a lot.”

He did in his own way. He continued paying my salary. I guess I still see myself as an unsolicited heroine in his story. He would be grateful that I saved him, and then go on to tell others, “See, it all works out in the end .” But only because of the unsought heroes and heroines in his own story. Only because we are uplifting him in hopes of somewhat uplifting ourselves. If he succeeds, that means we succeed. If my coworker cares about the clients he refuses to care about, then she can have the flexibility to raise her family. If I succeed in saving his business, I save my job. If his boyfriend succeeds in saving him, he saves his relationship. All while really going unnoticed, except when the glory is to be had.

The glory and success of our endeavors belong to him, always.

Lately, when I have been getting a call about his business, I continue passing the message along, but with no response anymore. I realized that I don’t need to save him or his business. Especially when he isn’t even asking. You can’t save someone from a boat they don’t even know is sinking. And truthfully, isn’t paying you or giving you anything positive in return.

I need to focus on my own ship.

So today, I answered the phone like this:

“Hello, I’d like to speak to [old boss name redacted]”

“I’m not sure. I no longer work for him anymore.”

Ocean

Lexi

Someone once asked me, to describe a peaceful scene, where calm existed, my happy place.

I said the ocean.

“But why? The ocean is so uncertain, the tides are unpredictable, storms come and create huge waves.  It is anything but calm.”

I disagreed.

It may take hours or days, but it will always go back to a peaceful state.

It is the ocean that creates the raging waves, the strong undercurrent.  The storm is just an outside source, and the waves are the oceans way of being, since the beginning of time.

That is the most calming thing about it. How the ocean rages and storms, and how it both hurts and heals.  While it is stormy in one place, it is calm in another. And in the midst of all that, it is still the same.  There will always be calm, there will always be glistening from the sun, and there will always be the same calming, lapping waves.

Starbucks at 6:00 am

Lexi

I’m at my usual Starbucks at 6 am.

I usually come to this location before heading to work. This is usually at around 8:45 or 9am, depending on if i’m running late. I have grown accustomed to seeing certain people there at 9.  There is always one person who is working on his laptop, and then there  is Frank, who I say hi to every morning, and of course the baristas who know my order.

Starbucks at 6 am is a little different.  There is the parking attendant sitting inside, watching a TV show on his phone before his shift starts.  The baristas are just getting everything prepped for the day.

As I look outside the window, I see a woman in her Burberry robe, walking her dog. She is looking at her phone, most likely checking emails before work, as her little dog zig zags in front of her.

The business man in his suit walks in and orders a tall drip, and places his newspaper under his arm, while getting cash from his wallet; tipping the baristas a dollar. He sits down and reads his newspaper, drinking his coffee black.

It’s about 6:45 am now, the early risers,  those that get up to really prepare for their day, are getting their daily coffee. You know that they are frequent customers; as the baristas know their name and order already.

I wonder if the baristas see the customers in waves like I do.  This is the first wave: the early risers.  The 9 am wave, the one I usually ride, is a little more rushed, customers are a little more anxious, and its a little more busy.

I’m going to make it a goal to be on the Early Riser wave more often, not only with Starbucks, but with exercise and meetings, and other facets of life.

Everyone seems more calm, relaxed and happy here.

Living Like Lexi…

Lexi

So I postponed this post for quite awhile.

What do you write about for  your first blog post? Do you introduce yourself? Do you say why you went through the process of creating a blog in the first place? What I ate for breakfast? ( which was coffee… of course.)

I figured I would just start by reflecting on a favorite quote of mine:

People themselves alter so much, that there is something new to be observed in them forever.” ~Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I first came across this quote when I was sixteen, forced to read this book for a school assignment.  After I read this, I highlighted it and it has continued to intrigue me to this day.  I have always been really interested in human nature.  Why do people react the way they react? What lens are they looking though, that differs from mine? I was really interested in what was behind peoples thoughts and motives.  This quote really shifted how I received different opinions.

The world is always changing, people are always changing, and along with that, their view of the world.

It also is a reminder to me that change is inevitable, and is healthy, even if it doesn’t feel that way.  You also shouldn’t be upset at someone for growing or shifting, because you too are also growing and shifting.

And if you aren’t growing and shifting, you really aren’t enjoying the human experience at all.